I just gift wrapped bread.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize