Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
