I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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