GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize