i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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