she looked like the before picture.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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