By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
