i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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