i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
