How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
