You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
