I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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