She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
