Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
