She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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