Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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