Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
