I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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