That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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