I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
