I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize