why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
