i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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