You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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