I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
