u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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