Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
