the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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