He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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