I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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