At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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