I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
