hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
