im drinking this country out of the recession.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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