someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
