you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
