What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
