Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
if only i could text you this smell
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Randomize
