It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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