Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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