Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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