He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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