Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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