Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
