fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
