He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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