my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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