My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize