I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
