May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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