At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
