happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
