it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
