Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want to make out with him forever
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
