"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
