So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
