hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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