1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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