the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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