so explain again why im purple
no
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
