You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
