ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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