dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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