i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
