just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
