Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
