I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
