we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
