I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
