After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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