You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
